Big Change is worth the Resistance
May 07, 2019 10:30PM
By Kirsten Klug
A couple years ago I had an idea about simplifying my life so that my family could do more of what we love. I felt like so much of my life was house work in addition to my career and parenting. We had designed and built a beautiful big house with a gorgeous mountain view. Our graphic design firm had used the upstairs until the internet made our work change. No longer did we need all the space when so much can be done on a laptop. So we turned our office space into and AirBnB.
However, with raising two kids and fitting my career into my off hours, I often felt like an exhausted failure. On the outside others had no idea about how I felt because our society does such an incredible job of trying to define what success should look like.
That kind of success didn't feel good to me.
I wanted a change even though I loved the view and being located near family. I thought what if we downsized? What if I could spend extra time hiking, taking the dog on longer walks, exploring our town, or going on little mini-vacations?
I thought my idea was a great on one, yet this change would be a big one! It would be different than what most people thought of as successful. In fact, many people including my family and friends may actually think we failed! My husband would most definitely resist as he had so much room for all his hobbies.
We would have to leave what we were used to.
The feelings of being compliant or safe would be set aside to experience the next adventure.
As I shared my ideas with my husband and parents, I got a lot of resistance. I was told it would be too difficult. I was told an apartment would be too noisy. I was told that we wouldn't find the exact house I imagined. I was told it would be too hard on my children. I was told we wouldn't make enough on the sale of our current house to have enough for the next.
All this negativity weighed on me. I felt trapped and shameful of my thinking. At the same time, when I was out in the country going on walks with the dog or escaping to the river bank to think I could hear the voice saying that downsizing was what we needed.
I had to keep that gut instinct and trust that at some point, the wind would get so strong it would steer us in the direction we needed to go.
I had no idea what it meant to experience strong wind. I had no idea that the change that ultimately got us to move almost cost me my life!It was car accidents and a ski accident that nearly took my life and allowed me to wake up to challenges and change. It was a very strong wind and in it I felt peace and happiness like none other.
I learned that we have one life to live and regardless of how others resist and tell us our ideas are not possible, I still have a choice for change.
This is what I found to work in making a big choice:
1. Create and write down my ideas.
2. Plan the vision - put it out on paper, draw the picture, or write it out to see the vision.
3. When I hear resistance, listen. Know that it is someone else with their ideas.
4. Know that the argument or response is okay. Be peaceful with it.
5. Think - ask myself questions to see if what I was hearing was really valid, if it is fear or judgement.
6. Act - make a choice whether it is saying no or facing the facts.
7. Review - see what I learned from the choice I made.
What is it that you want to do differently?
Are you creative and find yourself living with others that are very critical? How do you make your choices and once you've made a choice are you happier?
Regardless of the accidents I was in, I now live with some disabilities where simplifying my life was essential. And luckily my husband agreed as well. I've now seen how all my challenges have kept me grounded on one part and able to fly on the other!
Our change is an absolute blessing in disguise.
It's not just me... my husband, kids and I love our new place. Our apartment is quiet. It only took me a 1/2 hr. to vacuum and clean the house where before it took 4 hours. Our dog is getting great walks and I'm getting out in nature more! And we're saving a lot on our monthly costs, which will allow us to take those mini-vacations that we always dreamed of!
So just like a kite that's playing with the wind, do the same and enjoy life to the fullest in whatever way you envision it!